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"TRIGGER WARNING- Suicide" - by Akansha Sharma

TRIGGER WARNING- Suicide. This is a letter to myself. So I'll start it like this: I don't like you. I am tired of you and your weary face. Your sagging and drowsy eyes are an afflict to the people who care about you. You being an eccedentesiast are making your own life, a nightmare which you fear the most from. Why are you such a hex? Your bones aren't sturdly enough to own the weights of the notions going into your teensy head. Your wrists are jaded of the blades and knives which they go through very often. You tell your mind to cease the suicidal thoughts, which visit it more than hundredfold. Your palms are red and sore by the finger nails which dig deeper when anger embeds. You know, self, people have stopped expecting from you, as if you are the biggest catastrophe. Your existence haunts them sometimes as if you are an ill fortune. Dear you, even i don't expect anything from you, because you and only you, scare me somtimes. I know your heart carries a weight a lot heavier than you but I can't help you. I'm in a bound space. Your heart carries emotions and feelings which no one knows about. Your legs tremble when you walk towards your terrace to jump forward from a 24 floor apartment. Your acrophobia pulls you from behind but your mind instructs you to move forward. no, don't! you aren't that frail. Your hair are always tied into messy buns, you don't feel to dress them up a little. Your blanch face makes you look the most huckery woman, but you still don't care about anyone saying ill about you. Your hands are dry and craggy, no one wants to holds them but you still side somewhere, waiting and waiting. You say you are strong, strong enough to bear the woe and the trauma behind you, but you can't. you aren't feisty enough to hold back what's pulling you. Why are you such a recreant? I hope someday when suicide crosses your mind, and you are only left with keen objects, you have someone who holds your hand and throws all the sharp and negative objects out of your house and your mind. This torment will pass too, hold on. Till then, I hope you are strong and alive. Hate/love, The girl who wants to love you, but can't.

by Akansha Sharma | Instagram : @akanshawrites

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